The uncertainty we all face at work with COVID-19 is really testing our resilience. We are not feeling safe outside and many of us are not feeling psychologically safe at work. Anticipating layoffs or going through one threatens a foundational need that we all have, the need to Belong. We cannot thrive if we feel unsafe, and a protracted feeling of "un-safety" is taking its toll. If we appreciate why we are feeling this way it can provide us with clues for how to cope, manage, and perhaps even benefit from this experience. We are social beings and each of us has a need to BELONG in relationship to others and situations, and ultimately to the world in which we were born.
At some level our intuition tells us that we are needed because we were born. As social animals we have a need to express our value relative and in relation to others as we exchange and reveal who we are and what we can do to contribute to survive and thrive as a collective.
The word Belong does provide us with the central question of our life for it directs us to inquire about our longings for being (our purpose). We have faith that we are here for a reason even though at the same time we may hold this in doubt. What happens when you are asked to leave your workplace, a key home of belonging? Or when one is isolated from the place and starts feeling anxious about the degree to which one is being seen as valuable to the survival of the group? Our social reputations exert such a strong force on us as they govern our behavior and provide us with a framework within which to operate, generate, recover, discover, regenerate and value ourselves.
I learned about what happens in the deep structures of our brains when our social safety is threatened when going through a provocative Neurozone training experience. During this certification i learned that the brain starts to excrete stress hormones and goes into a stress mode when our belonging needs are being threatened or are severed. People are at risk for anxiety and depression as threats to belonging equate to a threat to survival; this threat registers in our deep brain structure of the limbic system. Loneliness, isolation and separation are very difficult for humans to endure for extended periods of time.
The word belong can be looked at from a few different yet compatible perspectives:
Being a part of a group and collective (work/family)
Attached or bound by birth to a certain destiny; our relationship with a higher power of the universe
Where do I long to be? A yearning, a motivation of longing, an intention be find a home
Long implies a duration of time or anticipation of an enduring length of time
Taking the long view means to look ahead towards a horizon, envisioning what we will be in the future away from where we are now, perhaps towards where we were meant to be.
What should we do when we have lost our sense of belonging?
During this unforeseen and unprecedented time we have been isolated from society and our families and friends; millions have been asked to leave another home, our workplace. We can contemplate this on various levels (philosophical and practical), yet here are some things to keep in mind;
Pause and be, you don't have to do. Think, but think long and big about what matters most, who you are, and who you want to be.
Appreciate your fear and what it is telling you, but know that fear based reactions are not going to serve you well.
Take care of your brain through exercise, sleep, healthy nutrition and silencing the mind
Brain buffering by volunteering your time and doing "brainless" work could be useful.
Pick up an old hobby or engage in interests other than your primary vocation
Find way to connect with others. If you are more introverted by nature, reach out to those whom you haven't spoken to in a while to re-connect. Schedule conversations in advance to have them on your calendar.
Share your vulnerabilities and fears and ask for help. People who know you will respond because they care about you.
Appreciating your needs for belonging and creating the opportunities for yourself to Be, Be-Long, and Be-come can help you to cope, survive and ultimately thrive as we all experience this crisis alone and together.
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